its never easy...

life isnt easy
for whatever the reason things happen
although we don't know why until time has passed
time heals everything huh?
it doesnt
not this
time passes and passed and it's like nothing has changed

no
things have changed
but i haven't
i'm still the same
the pain is still there
still fresh as it was the first day
the difference is that i don't cry anymore

him i will never forget
his name is engraved in my memory
and his memory is engraved in my heart

so as i browse through my documents working on my portfolio, i found this that i wrote what seems ages ago. and as i read it i realized that it's still fresh not only in my mind but in my heart as well. it's not in its entirety, certain things should be omitted. but if you know me well enough, you'll know who im talkin bout...

Quiero que seas feliz aunque no sea conmigo…..

Yes. I do want you to be happy, even if im not the cause of your happiness. I still have feelings for you. Im finally admitting it. But I wish I didn't have to figure it out in this way. I cried. And when crying's involved it's something more. It usually is. So I guess I have to move on now, huh? I thought I had, but I didn't. and all because I thought a person in a movie looked like you. And it started from there. feelings came back. Ideas came back. I relived moments that I thought put away. I thought of 'what if' time and time again. But there's nothing I can do about it now. Just put everything in the past and move on. But it wont be easy. It'll take time... eventually ill put them away. Someday... But that wont happen anymore will it?... And how can I see you now? The thought of it scares me that ill be seeing a shadow of what was once mine, what was once something that made me go bonkers and do things I never thought of doing. People have that power over you only if you let them. And I let him. I let him do so many things to me, for me, because of me. but now they're no more. They're gone. Im nothing to him. And ima try not to look for him. But is there such a thing as try? What else can I do to forget him? Delete him from my memory? That'll be like forgettin nothing happened when it did... Damn it marieta... How the fuck did u manage to do that?! But there he was, he bailed u out. And he bailed you out so many times after that. Now I have to bail out for myself and let him be. It's not easy. It wasn't easy the first time when I thought I had forgotten and moved on. But im the one to blame. Because of me. all because I wanted him. Was it lust? Was it love? Was it attention? Or was it all of the above and more? Oh so much more. Im never gonna forget about him. Never. Especially after what we shared. He's moved on. So why haven't i? Because I cant let go. Because I still want him. I miss him I guess you can say. But I cant have him. Not ever. Not anymore. So no me queda de otra but to move on. Poco a poco marieta. Poco a poco. Damn movie. Damn marieta. Ull never learn will you?

I already miss him...ever since the beginning ive missed him...but i miss him even more now that hes gone for reals...i miss him...ill never forget him. Or the times we shared. His is a story to tell. A story to share. A story to remember. Especially since we shared much more, so much more.

Will he remember me?...

I'll always remember him…and carry him to my grave. His memory at least…always…

I do have feelings for you... I do…from the beginning I had them…but now they don't matter. They don't matter anymore. So down the drain they go…down I go…

Remember me…

*big sigh*